It’s a strange thing laughing after tragedy. You feel as if you’re doing something wrong. I feel as if I shouldn’t be allowed to have fun or laugh or be happy, my son is dead. But I know how ridiculous that sounds. And if our little boy was here I know he would want his momma and daddy to be happy.
I surprised Ben a little while ago with tickets to go see his favorite comedian last night. We dropped the 2 year old off at grandmas and set out for a much needed night of laughter and letting go.
It was the strangest feeling. Sitting downtown in a bar waiting to go to a show debating whether I wanted to actually drink or not. (I didn’t. Thought it might just bring out emotions I didn’t want to have at the moment) 2 weeks ago I was pregnant and couldn’t drink. But now I’m sitting in a bar with a healing incision across my stomach, we just smoked a cigarette (don’t worry, I’m not going to start smoking again everyone so don’t freak out on me and start telling me how bad it is. I know. Sometimes it just feels good.) and we’re about to go see Doug Benson. I guess that’s probably not normal behavior one week after having a c-section. Oh well. I’ve never been normal about anything.
We ended up meeting up with some old friends, we got into the show early and got great seats and we actually had fun. It was a great show both the opener and Doug were very funny and we laughed the whole time. We laughed with the old friends and we laughed at the show and we laughed with each other. I don’t know when the last time I have laughed so hard or so much was. I laughed so hard all night my cheeks hurt by the time we got home. We crawled into bed and I snuggled up to my husband and we laughed some more about the night and fell asleep snuggled together smiling.
I guess that’s why they say laughter is the best medicine. We had a much needed night off, filled with laughter, love and fun. It was so nice to just let everything go and not think about any of it for even a little while and just laugh.
I know our little angel is with us always so I hope he enjoyed seeing his parents smile instead of cry for a change. And I learned it’s ok to laugh. It’s ok to smile and it’s ok to let go and have fun.