Dear Renix,

I miss you. I miss you so much my sweet boy. It’s funny to say since we didn’t actually get to meet while you were alive. But it’s true. I miss you more than you could ever begin to imagine. I think about you everyday and dream about how life would be if you had stayed with us. If you had lived and stayed in full term you’d be scheduled to be born in less than a week. I should be preparing nervously for your arrival and worrying about how to survive having two kids, instead I’m learning to survive without you. I’m so sorry your life got cut short, I’d gladly give mine to you if I knew how. I’m so so so sorry I couldn’t help you fight the disease inside me. I’m so so so sorry I made you have to fight in the first place, but I want you to know that I don’t regret creating you. Not even in the slightest. Not even if it meant I wouldn’t have to feel this pain. You were created out of so much love it’s incredible. If love alone could have saved you, then we’d have had no problems. Your daddy and I love eachother so much and that love has made two perfect creatures. Your sister, whom you never met but who also loves you. And you. Your daddy and I love you so much. I hope you watch over us and see how much even your sister misses you. Though she may not understand completely, she knows who you are and points out your pictures all the time. I hope you watch over us and see how much you are loved by your daddy and I. I hope you know that there isn’t a moment that goes by that I don’t miss you, that I don’t think about you, that I don’t think about how I would’ve given up almost everything to have you here with me. That there isn’t a moment that goes by that I don’t dream about holding you in my arms again and kissing your cheeks. I hope you’re being watched over by other Angels up there that care about you and love you like I do. I hope you know how loved you are by others too, your family, people who never got to know you either, but they all still love you. I hope you know that you are loved. From the moment you were created you were loved. I can’t wait till the day when I get to see you again and hold you in my arms. I love you Renix Benjamin Bruce, more than you’ll ever know. And I miss you just as much. Till we meet again.

Love,

Mommy

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