After Renix died the Hospital gave us many pamphlets and books and lots of things to help us get through losing him. One of the things they gave us was a book for kids to help them understand what is happening around them. It was called “We Were Going to Have a Baby, but We Had an Angel Instead” I read it a couple times but I decided that I didn’t want to read it to Z because the ending didn’t leave me with any hope for the future. It basically told from a kids point of few how now their mommy and daddy is sad and cry a lot because they were going to have a baby but they got an angel instead, and then it just ends with “I think a baby would have been better” and I guess my thought was WELL DUH!! But it didn’t leave any hope that things get better or that mommy and daddy will feel better or that the angel baby is ok.. So I thought I would eventually write my own.. It was a lot harder to do than I thought, and a lot harder than most things that I have written. I actually wrote this a few months ago but wasn’t sure if I wanted to share. I also am not sure if this is the final draft, and in fact it’s probably not because I was just editing it before I put it in here. But I just wanted to share a little piece of my heart with anyone who is willing to read it. Thanks!
Hi, My name is Renix, and I am a baby angel.
My mommy and daddy love each other very much, and through that love they made me.
I started out very small in my mommy’s tummy, and even though I never got to see her while I was there, I heard my mommy talking all the time. Sometimes she would be talking to my daddy or my sister but other times I would hear her tell me how much she loves me and sing me songs and tell me stories.
As I started to grow bigger, I knew there was trouble, I was having a hard time growing and I heard the doctor tell my mommy and daddy that she was sick.
My mommy told me not to worry though, she would talk to me all day long and tell me how she loved me, and that I was a fighter, and to just keep growing.
I tried to grow like mommy said, but my mommy’s sickness made it very hard.
Then all of the sudden, I wasn’t in my mommy’s tummy anymore. I was being held by very big, strong, soft hands, he said he was my father, but different than my daddy. He gave me wings and told me that I needed to go watch out for my mommy and daddy. That I was their guardian angel now and they were going to need me.
I soared down to find them, excited about my new wings and important job, but when I found them they were crying and very sad.
“It’s okay mommy” I said. “It’s not hard to grow anymore and I have wings to soar and watch out for you where ever you go.”
But mommy and daddy can’t hear me. They get really sad and tell me how much they miss me all the time. I try to show them that I am always right beside them.
“Mommy,” I say, “Even though I am not in your arms, I am in your heart. I will always be here watching out for you.”
My big sister talks about me all the time. I am her guardian angel too. I love to watch her dance and play and sing. Sometimes I even try to sing along with her, even though I know she can’t hear me.
I wish that I could have stayed with my mommy, daddy and sister and give them big hugs and kisses and tell them how much I love them, but I was given a very special job of watching over them instead.
I wasn’t strong enough to stay with my family, but now I am strong enough to do anything! I have the special job of being their guardian ninja angel. I watch out for them where ever they go and try to keep them safe.
I wish I could tell my mommy and daddy about all the cool people I have met that have wings too. There is even someone up here called great-grandma, she loves to sing me songs and tell me stories about my mommy!
I know that my family is sad that that I am not with them, and even though I get to see them all the time as their angel, I can’t wait for the day when they can see me too, and I get to hug my mommy and daddy whenever I want.
Until then though, I am going to keep watching out for them and be the best guardian ninja angel baby I can be!