Banana Cookies

So I haven’t written in here in a while and I keep telling myself I’m going to but I feel like sometimes I’m just a broken record that keeps writing the same things because feelings don’t really change. However, I’ve said in the past that I was going to use this blog for more than just feelings, and I love to bake and I bake quite often and I see blogs all the time sharing recipes of things that they’ve baked so I figured I can do that too! πŸ˜€ 

So I had a bunch of over ripe bananas on my counter and I’m always making banana muffins and bread so today we decided to make banana cookies! Plus putting banana in them makes them okay to eat for breakfast right? 

We started by mixing the butter and sugar together. I used melted butter partly because my butter was frozen, and partly because my favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe calls for melted butter and I feel it really makes a difference in the texture of the cookies. 

Then came the bananas and the baking soda. I also added some vanilla because I have some awesome natural vanilla that just seems to add a great flavor to everything. 

Then we whisked the flour salt and other spices together. I also added a bit of extra cinnamon into our recipe because when we were pouring it into the teaspoon we had a little mishap πŸ˜‰ 

Then we mixed the banana mixture with the butter mixture and then mixed in the flour. 

Then we added chocolate chips because that makes everything better! 

My amazing husband bought me a jumbo sized cookie sheet which I have been very excited to try out.  Just look how many F’n cookies this thing can hold!!

So many in fact, I couldn’t fit them all on my wire racks! I did double the recipe though because of the amount of bananas I had.

  I ate about 5, cuz they had bananas in them so it was my breakfast πŸ˜‰ 


And Z had a few as well, so I’m going to say they were a hit!  I’ll post the recipe below just in case anyone wants it! 

 Banana Cookies Recipe

Prep time: 20 minutes Cook time: 30-45 minutes minutes Yields: about 84 cookies

Ingredients:

1 cup of unsalted butter (2 sticks), melted 

2 cups of sugar

2 eggs

2 cups of mashed bananas (I used about 5 large bananas)

2 teaspoons of vanilla

2 teaspoons of baking soda

4 cups of flour

1/2 teaspoon of salt

2 teaspoons of cinnamon

1 teaspoon of nutmeg

2 cups of chocolate chips

Directions:

1 Preheat the oven to 350Β°F. Beat the butter and sugar together until mixed. Add the eggs and continue to beat until fully mixed.

2 In a separate bowl, mash the bananas then mix with baking soda. Let sit for 2 minutes. The baking soda will react with the acid in the bananas which in turn will give the cookies their lift and rise. Then add vanilla. Pour the banana/ baking soda/ vanilla mixture into the butter mixture and mix thoroughly. 

3 Whisk together the flour, salt, and cinnamon and nutmeg. Add to the banana mixture and mix until just combined.

4 Fold in chocolate chips (if using) into the batter.

5 Drop by teasooonful ( or larger if you wish) onto parchment paper-lined baking sheet. Bake for 11-13 minutes until nicely golden brown. Cool on wire racks.

Here is the link to the recipe I used. I doubled this recipe and changed it up a bit to make it my own above. 

Hope you all enjoy!!

http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/banana_cookies/

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Cupcake Cutie

Sometimes life throws curveballs at you and things change up the daily routine that you’re used to. Lately I haven’t been watching other kids everyday of the week so I’ve been getting more days that are just Z and I together. While I like money, I LOVE my little girl so these days together have been good for my soul! 


On this day we decided to be bakers!  πŸ™‚ Zenna picked out pink strawberry cupcake mix and purple funfetti frosting for our baking adventure. 

I let Z do as much of it by herself as she could. 

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She did great!

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And of course in keeping up with the pink theme we used Minnie Mouse cupcake cups left over from her birthday party. 


I let her fill the cups with batter as well which was a great test of my patience.  (for those who don’t know, I don’t have any lol) Since we only had just enough Minnie cups to do one batch we used our heart shaped cake pan from grandma Jo Ann for the rest of the batter. 

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While we waited for them to bake and cool we had lunch and made some kool-aid! 

Like I said before I have no patience, so we took the cake out of the pan a little too early and there was some damage. 

But then came the fun/messy part… πŸ™‚ 

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While Z was busy decorating cupcakes, I was having fun frosting the heart cake (except I mangled the point lol) and playing with different frosting tips. 

Then I gave the cake to Z for some sprinkles… 

And boy did she give it some sprinkles lol. 

It was an amazing day with my beautiful daughter and in the end I couldn’t ask for anything better. These are the moments I hope she will hold onto forever. 

Moment Of Zen

I got an unexpected day off yesterday and I think it was just what I needed. I decided to just have a fun day with Zenna. We started the day off watching Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory snuggled on the couch and then we decided to go out and have some breakfast.Β Β She was so excited. She got banana blueberry pancakes and hot chocolate.Β  That little nugget must’ve really liked it, cuz she ate everything on that plate except for a little bit of eggs.

Then I needed to get my ring checked at the mall so we went there and wandered around for a little bit. She dragged a my little pony around build a bear for a while, gave it a bath and got to help them out putting stuffing in the machine.Β We even played in the photo booth πŸ™‚Β Once we got home I downloaded an app to make the menu she colored at Denny’s become 3D which was kinda neat.Β 

Then she decided because it was a rainy day she needed to use her rain gear and go jump in the puddles.Β 

 

Then of course she needed a bubble bath to warm up.Β After all that we snuggled in once again on the couch and watched Charlie and the chocolate factory until it was time to go pick up Ben. I think Zenna must’ve had a pretty good day, cuz this was her pretty much the whole car ride. πŸ™‚After dinner we had family game night and played candy land and Jenga until bedtime. It was such a great day! I think spending the day with Zenna being silly was just what I needed. I love this little girl sooo much and I’m so glad she’s mine!

Missing You

I miss you. 

There’s not much more to say. 

My heart has been broken since the day you went away. 

I woke up in tears, with you in my heart

Longing for just one second of you in my arms. 

I think of you often and talk to you too

Can you hear me baby? I hope that you do

I tell you I’m sorry and how I love you so 

That I would’ve done anything for you not to go. 

I tell you I miss you and your daddy does too

And so does your sister, she loves to talk about you. 

If love could have saved you, you’d be just fine 

Cuz we love you so so much sweet child of mine. 

I try to be happy, I try to stay strong 

But my heart has shattered since you’ve been gone. 

My life is a lot different, I’m a changed person now 

Will it ever go back or get easier? I don’t really see how

Losing you has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do

It’s hard to believe tomorrow you would be turning two. 

I hope that you hear us when we drive by your park 

Cuz every time we yell “love you Renix” and wave from the car

I’m so sorry my body wouldn’t let you grow

I’d have done anything to change it if I could’ve you know

You’re my sweet baby boy, my one and only son

I sometimes imagine the things you’d have done

Would you be into video games and computers like dad

Would you be tall or short? What color hair would you have had? 

It’s hard not to dwell on the what could’ve been

But I know that someday I will see you again 

I love you my son, I hope this you know

I’m so so so so sorry that you had to go 

I miss you

There’s not much more to say

My hearts been broken since the day you went away

Love and Loss

Today is the service of an old friend. Actually an old Love. One I hadn’t seen a long time, and hadn’t actually hung out with for even longer. Love and loss are funny like that, they bring people and things into your life very unexpectedly.

I found out recently my ex-boyfriend Adam passed away. He wasn’t my last ex before getting married. And he wasn’t my first technical boyfriend, but he was my first love. He was my high school sweetheart if you will..

We started dating in 2001. He was my first “real” boyfriend, (you know that lasted more than a couple weeks) and we were together until 2008. He was a huge part of my life for a very long time. I experienced several things for the first time, good and bad, with him and our group of friends; who I am still friends with a few of to this day. In fact if it wasn’t for my relationship with Adam I never would have met my husband Ben. I have so many memories of hanging out in the cafeteria in the high school, just BS-ing about whatever it is high school kids talk about, friends, cars, drugs, sex, dating, teachers… who knows.

That’s where this was taken.

He took me to my first Homecoming dance.

We would spend almost everyday hanging out in his room after school. Watching anime, listening to music, getting stoned.. being carefree teenagers with nothing to lose. Adam had a huge influence on my music tastes, even to this day, he introduced me to Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin, he helped me discover punk rock like NOFX and the Misfits, Dead Kennedy’s, Dead Milkmen, the list goes on and on..

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His family was always so nice to me. I felt like they were my extra family. I ate dinner there almost every night, and I would be back there as soon as I was allowed to leave the house again the next day. I picked on his siblings like they were my own, but also made sure Adam wasn’t too mean to them. I practically lived there, but his parents never complained. They always treated me like I was one of their own and for that I will forever be grateful.

We used to spend weekends camping and fishing at his family’s place on William’s lake. I’m not sure I ever actually caught a fish up there, but it is some times in my life I will never forget. We’d swim and fish and hike around in the woods looking for places to hangout. We’d drive around and explore the area and have so much fun going on “adventures to do stuff and things”.

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He was my first roommate, him and I and moved into a townhouse apartment with our friend Darrell. All of our friends hung out there, we drank, we partied, got into trouble, it’s times of my life I will never forget!img_20161129_0011img_20161129_0002

Then we moved into a trailer house together, which again are memories I will forever cherish. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I’m having a hard time finding the right words to express my feelings today.

Adam,

You were such a huge part of my life for a very long time. You had an effect and influence on who I am to this very day. You were my first boyfriend, my first love, my first dance, my first roommate, my first adult relationship,  my first heartbreak,  more firsts and more memories than I can even begin to try to write down. Though we didn’t always see eye to eye and things didn’t end the way we thought they would, you were and will forever be a very important part of my life. You were always so unique. You marched to beat of your own drum since the day we met. You were kind and funny. You loved animals.You brought Buddy home one day from work cuz someone had found him and no one was claiming him. The people that found him were calling him Prince Charming, but you decided his name was going to be Buddy because you had the song “My Name Is Bud” by NOFX stuck in your head that day. We had so many fun times together. I am sorry I never got to say goodbye.  You always had a huge heart, a beautiful soul and you will be greatly missed on this earth by many many people.

Peace Adam.

Love Jenny

My heart is breaking for his family today and the last several days, and in the days to come, no one should ever have to plan their child’s funeral. I wish there was something I could do to help ease their pain. I am so incredibly sorry that they are having to go through all of this.

Mitch, Kelly, Bronson, and Cortney you have always been like extra family to me. You have all been in my thoughts and prayers daily since I heard about Adam. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I will continue to pray for your family, and I am sending all the love I have your way today and in the days to come.

Since I can’t seem to find the right words here are some pictures of our memories together and times I will forever cherish.

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Rest In Peace Adam. You will be greatly missed!

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Moment of ZenΒ 

I just had to share and write it down cuz I found it so funny. We’re driving last night and Z sees wacky inflatable arm flailing tube man and she’s all excited and watching it then she says “why does the tube man bend over like a sad French fry?”

Ben and I busted up laughing. I love that little girl so much. She brings joy to my life every single day and I’m so glad she’s my little miracle!

Angel Baby

After Renix died the Hospital gave us many pamphlets and books and lots of things to help us get through losing him. One of the things they gave us was a book for kids to help them understand what is happening around them. It was called “We Were Going to Have a Baby, but We Had an Angel Instead” I read it a couple times but I decided that I didn’t want to read it to Z because the ending didn’t leave me with any hope for the future. It basically told from a kids point of few how now their mommy and daddy is sad and cry a lot because they were going to have a baby but they got an angel instead, and then it just ends with “I think a baby would have been better” and I guess my thought was WELL DUH!! But it didn’t leave any hope that things get better or that mommy and daddy will feel better or that the angel baby is ok.. So I thought I would eventually write my own.. It was a lot harder to do than I thought, and a lot harder than most things that I have written. I actually wrote this a few months ago but wasn’t sure if I wanted to share. I also am not sure if this is the final draft, and in fact it’s probably not because I was just editing it before I put it in here. But I just wanted to share a little piece of my heart with anyone who is willing to read it. Thanks!

Hi, My name is Renix, and I am a baby angel.

My mommy and daddy love each other very much, and through that love they made me.

I started out very small in my mommy’s tummy, and even though I never got to see her while I was there, I heard my mommy talking all the time. Sometimes she would be talking to my daddy or my sister but other times I would hear her tell me how much she loves me and sing me songs and tell me stories.

As I started to grow bigger, I knew there was trouble, I was having a hard time growing and I heard the doctor tell my mommy and daddy that she was sick.

My mommy told me not to worry though, she would talk to me all day long and tell me how she loved me, and that I was a fighter, and to just keep growing.

I tried to grow like mommy said, but my mommy’s sickness made it very hard.

Then all of the sudden, I wasn’t in my mommy’s tummy anymore. I was being held by very big, strong, soft hands, he said he was my father, but different than my daddy. He gave me wings and told me that I needed to go watch out for my mommy and daddy. That I was their guardian angel now and they were going to need me.

I soared down to find them, excited about my new wings and important job, but when I found them they were crying and very sad.

“It’s okay mommy” I said. “It’s not hard to grow anymore and I have wings to soar and watch out for you where ever you go.”

But mommy and daddy can’t hear me. They get really sad and tell me how much they miss me all the time. I try to show them that I am always right beside them.

“Mommy,” I say, “Even though I am not in your arms, I am in your heart. I will always be here watching out for you.”

My big sister talks about me all the time. I am her guardian angel too.Β  I love to watch her dance and play and sing. Sometimes I even try to sing along with her, even though I know she can’t hear me.

I wish that I could have stayed with my mommy, daddy and sister and give them big hugs and kisses and tell them how much I love them, but I was given a very special job of watching over them instead.

I wasn’t strong enough to stay with my family, but now I am strong enough to do anything! I have the special job of being their guardian ninja angel. I watch out for them where ever they go and try to keep them safe.

I wish I could tell my mommy and daddy about all the cool people I have met that have wings too.Β  There is even someone up here called great-grandma, she loves to sing me songs and tell me stories about my mommy!

I know that my family is sad that that I am not with them, and even though I get to see them all the time as their angel, I can’t wait for the day when they can see me too, and I get to hug my mommy and daddy whenever I want.

Until then though, I am going to keep watching out for them and be the best guardian ninja angel baby I can be!